If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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