im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
