Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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