tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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