At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
