I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
