I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
