Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
