I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
