Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
