You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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