Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
