All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
