I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's shark week go big or go home
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize