his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
