You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Randomize