i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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