the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
