piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
