morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
