She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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