1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
