Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
love makes seman taste better
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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