i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
