is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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