if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
