what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
