i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
