I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
