you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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