get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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