my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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