maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
