Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
