I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
