remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
