stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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