I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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