Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
