he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My vagina is officially offended.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
