my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
