i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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