It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
