You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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