You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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