Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
