I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
