Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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