I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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