Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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