grandma shit on top of the toilet
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
