It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
