can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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