yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
