what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
