Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
