And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
