at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
