Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
