i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
