dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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