6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize