remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
