she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
