I think I won the penis lottery.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
