I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
