Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
