i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
